Chemo is getting in the way of my escape from chemo. How delightfully ironic.
I’ve been attempting, and failing, to write about a bunch of different topics and issues and other stuff that I’ve been thinking about for the last week. I have a blog! I want to add to it! But I haven’t been able to. Why? I’m exhausted. Actually, that word doesn’t even begin to cover it.
My doctor warned me that the only real cumulative effect of my chemo is fatigue, and, um, she’s right. I’ve been tired and scattered for a while; I’ve had moments where I literally walk into a wall because I lose muscle strength and coordination, but since half-way through last week (Day 4ish of Round Five), I have been incapable of stringing together a thought to its logical conclusion.
So my days have been filled with half-written emails, one sentence draft blog posts, cranky exchanges, blank stares, and naps. If I have something to do (dinner with friends, appointment with the wig guys to wash and style my lovely fake mane, doctor visits) I rally for about an hour, stay quiet for the next, and have to go home and do nothing before the third hour rolls around.
I’m hoping to be “back” soon, or at least back enough to reengage with the ideas bouncing around my head, but in the interim, it’s naptime.
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
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Hey, precious. It’s a crisp clear, day at the beach. It looks like God got out the clorox and a stiff brush and scoured the world. Confederate roses are in full bloom and huge hedgerows of sasanqua in pink and purple are everywhere. Sounds like a redneck yard wedding but it really is gorgeous against the very blue sky. Yesterday one of my boys came home from Charleston with 6 girls and they all just left. Every bed needs changing. Every one of my mismatched towels is wet in the laundry room floor. But I am so happy for the visit. It felt good for this big house to be full of fun and noise.
I think about you all the time and wonder what is happening to you today; how you feel and how you are thinking. You are a brave soul and I can only imagine how much you are learning in going through such hard days. You have always been very intelligent but I suspect you’re gaining a wisdom that can only come from such struggle as this. I surely hope this chapter can soon close and your splendid life can go forward, stronger than ever.
Wish I could do something for you and M. Take good care of each other. We’re pulling for you!
Fatigue, the temporary loss of power to respond that is induced in a sensory receptor or motor end organ by continued stimulation, the friend of inertia and the enemy of movement, yet it is only temporary, and we all await your strong return after “naptime”. Love reading these blog posts.